Desperation

Last night at church we talked about being desperate for Jesus. The lectionary texts talked about the crowds gathering around Jesus wanting to be healed. When Jesus took the apostles across the lake in a boat to get a respite from the crowds, they walked around the lake to Him. They were desperate to be with Him.

It made me wonder why isn't our Jesus today the same as the real Jesus? By that I mean that when we present Jesus to the public, people aren't desperate for Him like they were 2000 years ago. Jesus hasn't changed. So it seems that it must be because of the way we present Jesus to others. I think we tend to present a Jesus who is more concerned with rule following than a Jesus who loves and wants to bring healing.

So if I'm not presenting Jesus as He really is, I must not be seeing Him as He really is.

And I know I don't see Him as He really is all the time. There are times I'd rather run from Him than run to Him. I think there are times I see Him as pointing fingers at me for my sins, rather than standing with open arms in love. If I saw Jesus as He really is, I think I'd be more likely to run to Him.

But I also wonder if I'm just sometimes afraid to be desperate for Jesus? To be desperate for Him, I'd have to face my brokenness to see my need for healing. I'd have to admit I'm in need.

And I am these things. I do need Jesus. So I'm learning to be more desperate.

Of course, as we were reminded at church, desperation isn't attractive. Desperate people aren't pretty. But this is who Jesus came for. He came for those who could acknowledge that they can't do life well on their own, for those who are empty and want the fullness that Jesus offers.

I must unleash my unattractiveness and ugliness and be willing to run to Jesus. It doesn't come easy for me, but desperation is my desire.