Work

We spent the weekend, like usual, at Covenant Pines Bible Camp. Over Memorial Day weekend they have a Work & Worship camp where families and individuals go and help get the camp ready for summer while having a lot of fun. While many churches go from the Twin Cities area, our church kind of makes it our church retreat.

I had attended a similar camp with my family growing up in Iowa. It was a good memory for me. So before we even attended our church, we were going to Work & Worship. It's where we met our church, actually. 

The Benedictine monks use the phrase "ora et labora" to describe their calling. It's how our church refers to the weekend. It means to pray and to work. Work and worship.

Our pastoral associate spoke on Sunday morning at camp. She used Psalm 127 as her text.

Unless the Lord builds the house, / the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city, / the guards stand watch in vain.

In vain you rise early / and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—/ for he grants sleep to those he loves. 

Children are a heritage from the Lord, / offspring a reward from him. 

 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior / are children born in one’s youth.

Blessed is the man / whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame / when they contend with their opponents in court.

She reminded us that God is at work. No matter where we're at. Whether we're working at a Bible Camp or at a gas station. If we're not working alongside God, that work doesn't matter.

Then the Psalm switches to talking about children. An odd transition. Maybe. I wonder if it's not getting at the importance of viewing our parenting as worthwhile work. That if we see where God is at work in our children's lives and join in, we will find rich blessings. 

(Now, I know the church unfortunately often elevates marriage and families and disregards singleness which Paul lauds as the higher calling, but I don't think this Psalm intends to diminish  being single. I think the children thing is just an example. Possibly. Maybe it's not even related. But no matter what your relational status, God wants to you to rely fully upon Him and not your own efforts.)

My oldest son wanted to paint this weekend at camp. So we found a job painting. It turned out to be inside, instead of out--which was maybe okay since it turned out to be really hot, and we probably would have ended up with bad sunburns. He took a few breaks, but worked alongside me most of the day. My younger son joined for a short time, too. 

For some reason I can't always get them to work with me at home. But at camp they're much more willing. It was good to get to talk with them as we worked. It wasn't necessarily deep conversation, but it was getting to know them more. In the afternoon, the oldest and I went out in the woods behind the building we were painting and took a peanut break--just sitting and eating some peanuts together. 

On Sunday there was a lot of free time. Both the boys wanted to try a new activity called "crate stacking." You simply stack milk crates as high as you can while standing on top of them. I was proud of my oldest for wanting to try it. He doesn't often want to try new things--especially activities with a potential for failure. But he did it and did great. 

One of the hard parts of parenting is that you never know how your kids will turn out. No matter how much you invest in them, they're still independent souls who will make their own decisions one day. They might not always be the right decisions, either. 

We can only trust that by investing in where God is at work in our children that He will build the house.

Milestones

This weekend we were in Iowa celebrating my niece's graduation. Actually, she graduates next weekend, but she's also involved in a few state track meet events that same weekend, so her party was this weekend. High school graduation parties are a big deal in Iowa. The party involves a "shrine" to the graduate (pictures, awards, etc.--a small portion of which is shown here), gift giving (which seemed like pretty much people are just giving cards--presumably with money--in her area) and plenty of food (either small meat and cheese sandwiches with various salads and a cake or some creative theme--my niece had a chocolate fountain with various dip-able foods).

Because her cousin was also graduating, they both had their parties together at the same time. They were expecting around 250 people. I'm not sure if quite that many showed up, but it was a lot.

We don't have many rites of passage in our culture. High school graduation is one of the few. It should be a big deal. Generally, most schools in Iowa--the smaller ones at least--don't celebrate other steps (ie. Kindergarten graduation, 6th grade graduation, middle school graduation). So after thirteen years of school, and essentially becoming an adult--going off on your own--it's a noteworthy time to celebrate. 

* * * * * * * *

Tonight at church (we got back to Minneapolis with just a few minutes to unpack the car and get ready!) friends had their youngest son dedicated. It's another milestone of sorts--not that the child does anything to accomplish it other than being born. But it's a rite of passage nonetheless.

It's a big step for parents to dedicate their child. Essentially, they're saying, "God, you've given us this child to take care of as best we can, but ultimately the child is Yours. Whatever plans we have for this child take the back seat to Your plans. We know that someday we have to let go and give this child up to You."

I appreciate that along with the child's family, extended family, and family friends that we as the church body affirm the blessing of the child in our midst. We commit to being a part of their development.

* * * * * * * *

It's good to mark milestones in life. Especially in children. We need to celebrate children more. Not to build up their self-esteem, boost their ego, or pamper them; but because there are steps towards living an independent, interconnected life that are work marking. They need to know they're doing things well and that they have the support of many people who love them. 

The Week

Here's how this week has played out so far:

On Wednesday my wife flew to Pennsylvania to work at her research site for 10 days. She flies home on Friday and then back out to a different venue on Sunday for three more days. So she'll be home for two out of fourteen days.

On Thursday, my class at school left for an overnight camping trip (in cabins, but no electricity or running water, so it was primitive for most of the city kids). We had two days of outdoor education. The weather cooperated, and it was nice to be outside in spring weather. My youngest son's class also was on the trip, so my oldest spend the night with friends.

Those friends invited us over for supper and a movie on Friday night, so it was nice not to have to come home after a trip and make a meal. Friends are a good thing to have.

I also discovered a cold was setting in that night. I can't tell you how many tissues I've gone through.

Saturday started with my oldest son having beginning orchestra and my youngest having hockey at roughly the same time. So I dropped of my oldest with his violin at the church where they practice, then ran my youngest over to the ice arena to get all his gear on. Then it was back to the church to finish hearing my oldest, and then back to the ice arena to finish watching my youngest play. Thankfully this was all about a mile apart at most.

Saturday was also Free Comic Book Day, so after practices were finished, we visited a few comic book stores for some new reading material.
 
Today we decided to venture out to the local May Day Parade. It's the largest in America, I'm told. It's put on by the Heart of the Beast Puppet Theater which helped volunteers make all sorts of creative masks and costumes.  It's not like anything I've ever been to before. The fresh air was good, though. And there was a fun spirit of welcoming in spring. After the long winter we've had, we need it--and after the long week of rain we've had, the sun was good. I think my youngest has a little bit of a sunburn on the back of his neck.

At church tonight I went to a session that looked at haiku as a way to pray the Psalm we were reading. The busyness of the week necessitated some good, quiet prayer time. Meanwhile, the cold is still raging. More prayer needed.
We didn't get in any good Star Wars-themed activities for Star Wars Day (May 4th--as in May the Fourth be with you--get it? terrible pun, I know, but it's nationally recognized). But the boys donned their helmets for a bedtime photo.

May the Force be with you--and me--in the week ahead.

A Grumbly Snow-Day Solution

So yesterday I wrote a response to some of the complaining and grumbling I had seen around facebook due to a second cancelled day of school on the heels of Christmas break. It gathered a few comments and reactions (oddly, none were directly on the blog, but all on my facebook link to it).

Admittedly, my children had been getting at each others' throats for a few days.  My wife connected it to when they found the old Super Nintendo, lugged it upstairs from its box in the basement, connected it to the television, and started playing. One controller was broken, so they could only play one player at a time. The non-playing brother would sit close by and offer "helpful" suggestions during play. Which inevitably led to sore feelings and inappropriate comments toward one another.

I pointed out that it didn't matter if they were playing video games or not. They were getting to the point of verbal combat with one another over the simplest thing, electronic or not.

And I understand that this is why some parents hate an unexpected day off from school. Especially on the heels of sixteen previous days. Especially when we've been in the midst of this "polar vortex" with -50 degree F windchill.

Thankfully (that word is about to come into play) I remembered all the writing I've done and all the conversations from friends about the importance of gratitude in one's life. So yesterday, on our drive to the YMCA for a little swimming (and to get out of the house) after a morning that wasn't completely pleasant around the house at times I made up a little game. It went like this:

"Okay, boys, we're going to play a little game (groans emerge from the back seat). Each of us is going to think up something that completes the sentence "I'm grateful for...or I'm thankful for..." (more groans). I'll start and then I'll count to five and then Anders has to share something before I finish counting. After he shares then it's on to Nils who has to share something before I count to five. Then it's back to me and we keep going. But if anyone doesn't think up something before I count to five, they're out. I'll give you a few seconds to think up at least two things your thankful for before I start."

By this time the moans had diminished and they were beginning to take it seriously. So I started. And the gratitude kept going around.

Some were serious: I'm grateful for a warm house; I'm thankful that the gas tank is full so I don't have to pump gas in this cold; I'm thankful for our Y membership right now; I'm grateful for the food we have to eat.

Some were more frivolous: I'm thankful for root beer; I'm grateful for candy; I'm thankful for Legos; I'm grateful for that I won Milles Bornes (the card game).

I had to mail a package at the post office on the way, so I had to pause the game then. We had already done nearly a dozen shares each. Now part of our bedtime routine is sharing something we're thankful for each day and then praying. Some days they have trouble coming up with something. But this format made it possible for them to keep going.

So I offer up a solution for those days of grumbling, fighting, and complaining: the gratitude game.

It can't hurt to give it a try. You might just be grateful you did.

The Message We Send when School is Closed

We've been home for two days with no school because of the sub-zero temperatures and dangerous windchill that has hit our area. This is on top of Christmas break, so we're looking at nearly 2 1/2 weeks at home with the kids. Yesterday's windchill dipped to -50 degrees Fahrenheit. It's cold here. We've been trapped inside. We all need to move a little more.

I could participate in the trend I see on facebook: complaining about having to be around my kids these two extra days because we're all going stir-crazy. Yes, I'm tired of their complaining--especially when asked to do a chore. Yes, I'm tired of their arguing with each other--especially when one is playing a video game and the other is trying to be "helpful" (yesterday they were each allowed 15 minutes of video game time and even then it resulted in tears). Yes, I'm tired of being inside, too, feeling like there's nothing to do even though there is plenty.

But complaining only breeds contempt. Not only for our children but from others. What impact does our complaining about our children have on the barren couple who has been trying for years to have a child of her own? Or on the couple whose child recently died in a military skirmish?

And while my children aren't on facebook right now, they will be someday. What kind of message would that send to them? Yes, kids, we brought you into this world and love you dearly, but I can't stand spending time with you...

Do they hear my grumbling or do they see my gratitude?

Gratitude? Of course. At least I can strive to have more gratitude than grumbling in my life...

Gratitude that I am able to be home with them on these cold days and not struggling to find child care to shuffle them off to. Gratitude that they had some time helping their mom bake cookies and getting to learn some kitchen skills. Gratitude that we had a little extra time together. 

Yes, we may get cabin fever and get a little stir-crazy, but how about using that extra energy toward some creative things to do together (and I fully admit that I don't always do this--that sometimes it's easier to do my own distraction and let the boys do theirs)? We did some cold experiments yesterday (along with half the facebook population in the Midwest). We threw boiling water in the air to see what happened (it was cool, but not as impressive as we thought it might be). We put a plate of dish-soap bubbles outside. We tried blowing bubbles to see them freeze (most popped before they froze). We had friends who froze a t-shirt and broke it in half and who played ice-bowling. It's too cold to be outside for long, but it's perfectly fine for short periods of time.

How about teaching children a new skill in the kitchen? Or having them help with a project that requires tools? Or simply doing some household chores together? Our boys enjoyed simply pulling off the blue trim tape after a painting project.

So many people are on pinterest, that I'm sure there's plenty of great things to try with children there (I haven't opened up that time-distraction--I've got enough as it is!). My boys have filled up several pages in the sketch books they received in their stockings at Christmas. My youngest is creating things with duct tape.

We haven't really had much screen time (mainly because they've lost some of it from bad attitudes; if we hadn't been coming off a two week break, we maybe would have considered a movie marathon, but we'd already watch several movies at night in the past few weeks), but we've played plenty of board and card games. And of course, there's plenty of reading adventures! Sometimes we take a break and all read together (last year we read through The Hobbit during one evening a week).

Maybe a good project together is to make a collage of things you are thankful for. Gratitude might just be a better way to spend a day rather than grumbling.

With that said, we're about to try and get the car started so we can go to the YMCA. My youngest will complain about the temperature of the water in the swimming pool (the child has zero body fat which is to his detriment for swimming time). But I'm grateful we have a car we can travel with, I'm grateful that we have a few months of Y membership, I'm grateful we can exercise together, and I'm grateful the gas tank is full enough that I don't have to stop and fill it in the cold.

Hopefully I can pass some of that gratitude on to my sons. 

Celebrating St. Nick

If you've been around us, you know that we don't celebrate Christmas with Santa Claus and all those trimmings. Today is our day. Kind of. 

Today we observe the celebration of St. Nicholas: the real saint whose image and life lent itself to forming some of the modern day Santa Claus image. St. Nicholas grew up in a wealthy family in Greece in the late third century. His parents died when he was young, but he continued with his pious upbringing. He is said to have given away much of his wealth (including a story of leaving gold coins for three young, impoverished virgins whose family had no money for their dowries; in one version the coins are dropped down a chimney, in another they are placed in the ladies' hanging, drying stockings).

So we observe the day by talking about his life, trying to find ways to give to others, and giving a family present that will provide time together. My wife flies out of town in the morning, so we enjoyed an evening home together making pizza for supper and mixing up some gingerbread to pass on later (plus, the temperatures were dipping into negative temperatures, so we decided to skip Holidaze on 44th, a nearby neighborhood mile-long festival of hayrides, ice carving, hot cocoa, and other fun activities). The gift was a new board game which we played together. 

Yesterday my wife took the boys shopping to finish purchasing a few more objects for the shoe boxes we send overseas through Operation Christmas Child. It's our way of giving to children who wouldn't don't get presents otherwise; hopefully they experience the gift of Jesus as well. The boys and I will deliver those tomorrow to the local collection center (thankfully there's one in the Cities or we would have to prepare way ahead of time).

Hopefully our children learn to keep giving and serving others (as they get older I hope we can fit in some service work during this season). Hopefully they find that giving is a good thing, and that this time of year doesn't have to be filled with materialism. While they enjoy looking at the occasional Target circular we might receive (which is rarely), they don't pour over toy catalogs making lists of things they expect to be given at Christmas. They do get a present under the tree from us on Christmas morning as well as a stocking of smaller treats, but hopefully they are finding that the waiting part of Advent isn't about waiting to open presents. We can only try to instill in them those values at least. 

So may you discover the blessings of a life like St. Nicholas: of following the Christ Child and giving to others.

Prayers in School

Our classroom had a lot of changes this week. Some hard changes, many good changes, but changes which of course can be difficult as we all know.

One of the changes is that the students are eating lunch in our classroom instead of the cafeteria. This is common in some Montessori schools. Until this year, only the toddler class and a children's house had done this before. The children learn how to set a table and eat together. It definitely creates a different atmosphere as compared to eating in the cafeteria (which is our gymnasium).

One of the interesting things that has happened is that I have seen at least two tables of students praying for the meal. Not just an individual student praying, but the whole table (one was four student, the other was six students). Because I'm dishing out food for students then, I'm not able to stop and listen in on the prayers, but they're still interesting to come across. At least one of the tables held hands together. After one of the tables prayed today I heard several of the students say, "Hooray for God!" (Or something like that.)

I'm fairly certain that not all the students come from Christian backgrounds at those tables. I believe there is at least one or two Jewish students participating, probably a few more students from families with no spiritual tradition. But they all seem to get into giving thanks.

I'll be clear that no one from the school is encouraging or starting the prayers. The students are doing it: 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders.

I've heard people complain about how the government has taken prayer out of school, and that it's part of the downfall of our country. I disagree. I believe students' faith will be at its best when it's not given to them, but when they're able to develop it on their own.

Prayer has never been dis-allowed in schools. It's more that we seldom have taught children how to pray on their own. And why are we so concerned about prayer in public? Didn't Jesus laud the kind of praying that is done in private that doesn't get attention from anyone but God?

Now I've been there before. I "saw you at the pole." I even wrote a pretty conservative paper on prayer in school when I was in high school. 

But the older I get--the longer I've been a parent--I realize that I don't want that for my kids. It's one thing to be led in prayer and pray together at church. It's another thing for that to happen in non-religious settings. I want my children to have the kind of faith where they feel comfortable praying on their own in different situations outside of meals at home or bedtime routines. 

I want my kids to be able to be thankful to God before meals at school if that's the place their heart is at. I want them to take a minute to pray for a friend who's sick or hurting. I want them to be able to pray before a test or after a lesson or while on the playground. 

I also want my chlidren to respect the faith and beliefs of others without belittling or making fun of them. I want others to do that for my children as well. 

So I support prayer in schools like that. 

A Nation of Unhappy Children

I was listening to a book on CD today that stated that children in the USA are the 2nd unhappiest in the world (only children in the UK are unhappier). That's right, unhappiest. Being on CD I couldn't look at the footnotes to find the study, and I had a hard time finding the exact report online, but there were several articles stating that children in the UK were the unhappiest in the world and that the US was right behind them (again, not being able to find the exact report findings I'm not sure how old the study is but the book is less than two years old, so I think the study is well within the last decade).

This should be disturbing to all of us. We are a nation that prides itself on its right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Clearly we have failed in that pursuit.

All of our material possessions, technology, wealth, and freedom aren't making us happy. I wonder if our children are unhappy because of all the pursuing we're doing...

Giving our children more stuff isn't making them happy. Working more hours so our family has more money isn't making our children happy. Video games, ipods, and other pieces of technology aren't making them happy. Enrolling them in more and more extra-curricular activities isn't making them happy.

I think part of the book's conclusion on that part was that our children aren't happy because they're not picking up happiness from us as parents and that we haven't taught them well how to use their brains in ways to choose to be happy.

I haven't done well in this area, I confess. I grew up in a Scandinavian culture where emotions were something to be suspicious of. I'm just learning to be more in touch with them and to control them rather than just repressing them. So I know I haven't passed on those skills to my children well. And I know that I don't often portray happiness throughout my day.

Forgive me for another shameless plug, but in my book, Cultural Enslavement: Breaking Free into Abundant Living, I look at some of these issues. I assert that spending time slowing down in God's creation is better for us rather than spending too much time connected to technology, that our lives are fuller when we choose not to fill them with busyness, that we need to connect more with people in meaningful ways. In short that we need to slow down, do more reflecting and meditating, and dwell richly in God's provision. The book/CD isn't faith based, but it's nice to hear some research that points to the same conclusions.

So today may we each take a few brief minutes to slow down, breathe deep, and choose happiness. If not for our sake, for our children ("think of the children!"). I intend to try and smile more tomorrow.



(The book is 10 Mindful Minutes by Goldie Hawn. Yes, the Private Benjamin Goldie Hawn. I'm not through it enough to recommend it one way or another yet, but it does have some interesting data and scientific facts about the brain.)

Labor Day

Labor Day.

I for one have never been around any sort of Labor Day celebration, parade, or other official festivity. For most Americans it is the last push of taking in the bounty of summer before school starts (or for those of us for whom school has already started, it is for giving summer one last embrace before we kiss it good-bye). Grill-outs, a day at the lake, camping--all typical Labor Day activities. Enjoy the sun, outdoors, and friends and family.

Because of the heat last week, school was cancelled Thursday and Friday. A veritable five-day weekend. Normally, I would pack the car and tell the family we're going camping. But I dislike sleeping in stifling heat, so I didn't even bring it up.

Over the weekend we got a fair amount of projects done around the house. It cooled off a bit--good bike riding weather, not so much for swimming in a lake. We had a great evening with friends old and new.

Today we got out of town and did a day trip we'd been meaning to do all summer. Well, not right away. We have friends who live on the route of an annual 10k/5k race. Usually a few friends from church and school run in it, and several families gather together in front of our friends' home to cheer on the runners, eat some breakfast, and enjoy hanging out together. My wife ran there in the morning while the rest of us were still in bed. I made a picnic lunch while waiting for our youngest to rise from his slumber. We all finally made it there after the race was over and hung out for a little while.

Then we hit the road.

The first stop was Franconia Sculpture Park, about 45 minutes northwest of the Twin Cities. It's a lovely drive getting there on Highway 8 which takes you through a series of small, lakeside towns that were settled by Scandinavian immigrants. The sculpture garden is a wonderful outdoor interactive art arena. Artists reside in a large white farm house in the park, and you may occasionally see them working on a sculpture in the work areas.

I'm not sure how often they switch out exhibits, but there were several new ones from last year along with old favorites. Despite the admonition at the information shack not to climb on the sculptures, several obviously beg for interaction. The boys love to climb there. A couple are basically large scrap-metal playgrounds, and they're built that way--with swings and slides and steps. They beg to be climbed on.

And there are some sculptures that obviously aren't supposed to be climbed on (and the little signs posted around them help make this clear). It's one of those places that encourages you to stay together as a family. At least so that parents can notify children when those signs are present.

After a mid-afternoon lunch break, we drove a few more miles down the road to Interstate State Park on the edge of Taylors Falls. We have never camped there, but we've stopped on a few occasions at their visitor's center. Well, not the visitor's center per se, but the trails right next to it that take you through a glacial potholes park.

The trails invite exploration. Rocks to climb, potholes to sink into, beautiful views of the St. Croix River and Wisconsin across it. It's not for the "helicopter parent," though; it would certainly produce a brain embolism or some such disastrous outcome for such a person. Deep drop offs, sharp edges, riverside cliffs, pathway hazards to stumble over; it's not a safe place. But it's a lot of fun. With proper boundaries (and the occasional "okay, not THAT close to the edge") the boys love to climb and crawl and explore.

Did I mention it's all outdoors? Added bonus.

The boys got a frosty root beer float at the local drive in (appropriately called "The Drive-In") while my wife responded to a text from a friend wondering if they could come over for a bonfire. I totally appreciate people willing to either 1) set up a playdate with my children since I'm terrible at doing that and 2) invite themselves over to our home whether it's for a bonfire, supper together, or even to use the guest room if they're coming through from out of town. (Of course, we reserve the right to say "no" if our family schedule doesn't permit, but, hey, it doesn't hurt to ask.)

Our road trip was conveniently drawing to an end, so we headed back home (thankfully traffic wasn't what I expected it might be on Labor Day evening). And thankfully, our friends had some hot dogs to pair with the hot dog buns we had. The kids played; the adults sat and talked. Hot dogs roasted; the fire blazed. Ahhh.

And so the long weekend has come to a close. Week two of school promises to be cooler. We're sliding back into our routines (the boys have been doing fairly well at getting to sleep--hooray!). We're readjusting to the busy schedule. Fall is around the corner. Sigh.

I will miss summer: swimming in lakes, gardening, time outside.

But autumn holds it's own beauty: cooler weather for bicycling, hikes through woods where leaves are changing, evening bonfires.

I grateful for this one last day to just enjoy the blessings of summer. Even if we did have to wear long sleeves most of the day.

Summer Regrets & Blessings

I start back to work at school tomorrow.

Sigh...

I know a lot of people are ready for it, but not me. I enjoy the summer: swimming in the lakes, camping, sunshine, gardening, children playing, time to write. Part of the problem is that I plan for a full three months of summer. The reality is that it's a week over two months, and it goes by quickly.

There are so many things I thought we'd get done--things I hoped to do, things I planned on doing:

• more bike rides
• more museum trips (didn't do a single one--but those are kind of a rainy day thing, and we didn't have many of those)
• more camping (which had better happen this fall)
• more projects around the house
• more marketing on my book
• more swimming
• more summer concerts
• more writing done
• more hammock time (I was in it maybe once all summer--scandalous!)
• more hiking and exploring natural places
• having more people over for grilled supper outside
• playing more kubb & molkky
• doing some day trips

But it's easy to want more--the hard part is being content with what did happen. Actually, that's not all that hard. There was a lot of blessings this summer:

• A train ride with the Wenell family
• Seeing the boys fish for the first time
• Two fun camping trips with friends
• The Trumper family reunion
• Cabin time in Wisconsin
• 4th of July parade
• Fireworks
• Concerts at Lake Harriet (including one followed by watching The Goonies)
• Soccer games
• Farmer's Market
• Swimming at Cedar Lake
• Going to the zoo
• Playdates for the boys at the park
• Longer bike rides with the boys than we've been able to do
• Seeing flowers and vegetables grow in the gardens
• Most importantly, time with the family

But the savings account is dwindling, so the paychecks are needed, and back to work I go. And work is good, and it doesn't mean the fun is over. There is still time for things to happen: fall camping, evening picnics, weekend day trips, etc.

Sometimes it can be go hard to go back to school and hear all the reports on "What I Did This Summer." I can get jealous of the big vacations, expensive trips, expansive travels. But summer isn't about how much we get done or how much money we spend doing things. It's about how you spend the time, and we had some good quality time and enjoyed life. No regrets.

Well, maybe a few, but they're overshadowed by plenty of blessings.

Summer Camp Advice: Homesickness

Back in May I wrote about why you should send a child (whether your own or not) to Bible camp this summer. My son leaves for camp next week. Having worked several years at a camp, I've seen my fair share of cases of homesickness. Every good camp nurse is prepared for it--most "sicknesses" that camp nurses see are manifestations of homesickness.

The major cause of homesickness is parents.

Got that? It's true. Most children will do fine on their own once they get to camp and get into the activities and begin to make new friends. Yes, they may miss home and may wish their parents were around, but without parental influence children will generally do fine.

1. Don't make promises that will cause trouble. Often parents will promise their child that anytime they need to talk, they can call home. It's a promise made with well intentions: you want to be there to comfort your child. Or they'll promise that they'll come get their child if they can't make it. Again, good intentions, but have confidence in your child that they can do well on their own without you around. That's the point of parenthood--to raise children in a way that one day they will be successful at living on their own. Most camps don't allow campers to use the phone unless there is an emergency, anyway. Phone calls breed homesickness.

Instead, promise them that you'll be thinking about them and praying they have a good week. It's okay to send a family photo or something from home that will bring them comfort if they need.

2. Be careful what you say in any letters you send to them. Don't write a letter to them them how much you miss them. Don't mention all the fun stuff going on at home or anything exciting their siblings are doing while they're at camp.

Write letters. You can send them one any day if you want. But focus on how much fun your child must be having at camp. Ask questions about new friends they might be making, activities they're enjoying, and what they're learning in chapel. Instead of telling them how much you miss them, tell them how much you love them.

3. Don't develop a culture of homesickness within your child. Fostering a "clingy" child who is afraid to be away from their parents' eyesight will hinder their success. Don't coddle them. Definitely don't bring up homesickness before they leave for camp.

Instead, develop their confidence. Remind them no matter where they are that your love for them does not change. Encourage them. Develop a healthy sense of independence--help them to know that you will be there for them, that they do need you, but also that they're able do well without you around. Encourage them to make new friends, try new activities, and have a great time.

The best cure to homesickness is time. With a homesick child I usually try and bargain with them for a little more time: "Let's play this game, and then we can see how you're doing." "Let me tell you a story before bed, and then we'll see how you're feeling." "Why don't you go get a treat from the Snack Shack and then we'll talk some more."

Sometimes it's just diversionary tactics. But with a little time, going minute by minute, eventually the camper will gradually find themselves enjoying camp. It's not unusual that by the end of the week, they don't want to leave. Yes, there may be some cases where a camper just can't handle being away from home, but most homesickness is curable. As long as we parents don't meddle too much.

Yes, parents are the main cause of homesickness, but we can also be the main reason for camper success.

Parenting Trials: The Checklist

By this time in the day I was hoping to have biked along a trail to a beach or somewhere fun, picnicked, and been enjoying the outside. We're still at home. Because of my 8-year old.

Let me back up. A few days ago I decided to make a daily checklist for the boys. We'd been having a hard time getting things done around the house. Things like cleaning their room. Or a little daily math work. So, I made a list of things they needed to do each day. Accomplishing those things means that we can go do something fun: a bike ride, the free zoo, time at a beach, a playdate, etc.

The list includes:

• Go to the bathroom, get dressed, put pajamas away
• Eat breakfast, clear the table, brush teeth, brush hair
• Do two chores from a list (take out recycling, put away laundry, put away dishes, clean room, etc.)
• Do 15 minutes of writing (a story, poem, journal--anything)
• Do 15 minutes of math

Reading is not on the list.  They would do that most of the day if I let them. But I want them to retain the things they've learned in school and work ahead a little, so math and writing are on there. Nils has a workbook he generally enjoys doing. Anders needs to keep working on his multiplication tables. He at the moment really dislikes math. But we've talked about how practice will make it easier.

The last few days have gone pretty well. They got their checklist done right away and we've been able to get out and enjoy playdates and bike rides.

Today has not gone well. It's been a continuous tantrum. Which means that Nils and I aren't able to do anything else yet. We could be here all day. I seriously hope not.

But I've got to stick to my guns. Even if it means the rest of us miss out on what we'd like to do. I will readily admit that not every battle is worth fighting. But our children know that we won't give in to tantrums. A tantrum will not get them what they want. And this is for their sake.

We want them to grow up well. We want them to know they won't always get their way in life. That there will always be work we don't want to do that has to get done. That working through tough things is a reward in itself. That it's not all about them--their choices effect other people.

But it is tough to not give in and just say, "Never mind. Let's just go bike to the lake." It would be easier. I know plenty of people who do it. But I also know the long-term effects aren't worth it. Giving in will just set up my child to believe that he will always get what he wants and have life his way.

I'm trying to teach them that life isn't about always doing what we want, but doing what needs to be done. That we can find joy in life, even in tough times. That serving others is much more rewarding than being self-seeking. That obedience is a show of love.

Hopefully he'll make the right choices yet today. And each day after that. Summer won't last forever. But hopefully these life lessons will.

Of Children, Frustration, And Shoeboxes

I've been having plenty of frustrating moments with Nils lately. Not a lot, but enough to know that I am not always responding in the best ways. He does a lot of not-listening. He does a fair amount of outright disobeying. He does a large amount of dawdling. Today after 10 minutes, he did not have is shoes on, and don't often have the time to sit and make sure he's doing what he's supposed to be doing, nor do I have the permission to always be late to places like work. Maybe all of this is normal for six-year olds. I really hope not.

I know I'm not responding well. His actions frustrate me more than they should. And I know he's hearing way too much negative things from my mouth than he should, too.

I was reflecting at church tonight that my focus is off. I am frustrated because he's not obeying. And that's legitimate is many ways, but I realized I don't want a kid who just obeys (as nice as that may be). There will be times in his life where he shouldn't obey--times when he needs to stand up against his peers, stand up for what is right, stand up for justice. And obedience is just an action. It's something we train dogs to do. I'm not a trainer; I'm a parent.

What I need to refocus my desire on with my children is love. That's really what I want. I want them to love me. I want them to love others. I want them to love God. Now, obedience is typically an outcome of love--but it's not the main goal. So what I need to focus on is teaching my son to love. I can't do that by getting impatient at him or yelling at him. I can do that through being patient and sowing more words of affirmation and blessing than I do frustration.

* * * * *

Today the boys and I finished making purchases and putting together shoeboxes with toys, toiletries, and clothes to send to children overseas for Christmas (and, ironically yes, the yelling over the shoe dawdling episode occurred as we were trying to leave to do this). It's something we've been doing the past three years as part of our Advent "routine" to instill a greater sense of benevolence within the boys. We want to stress that Christmas isn't about commercialism and making lists of toys we want. As they get older, I hope we can do things like volunteering at a soup kitchen.

So, we're taking conscious efforts to teach our children to love and think beyond themselves. I just need to show, model, and do it more. Children everywhere need to hear words of love spoken to them far more times than words of anger, frustration, or even impatience. Of course, "out of the heart, the mouth speaks." So the important thing to do when dealing with my children is to make sure I'm building up my heart with the same things that I want to come out of my mouth. I want to speak words of love, patience, and affirmation to my children; I need to make sure my heart is abundant with those ideas.

Night-Time Gratitude

Some days with the kids are rough. I think any parent would agree to this.

But I'm grateful for moments that put it all into perspective.

Last night at 3am, Nils came and woke me up because he wanted to give me a hug. I admit, I wasn't ready for it--usually a middle of the night wake-up is because of a bad dream or sickness or something like that. And I don't necessarily need to be shown love from him at 3am again, but it was a touching gesture.

Tonight, Anders had a bit of a tantrum over his clothes for school tomorrow (he wanted to wear the same sweatshirt that he wore today again tomorrow). After he had calmed down, he called me back up to give hugs and kisses. Both boys wanted me to sing "Trygare kan ingen vara" (Children of the Heavenly Father)--the song I used to sing to them at bedtime when they were babies.

I need to remember these times with gratitude and cherish them. So even if reading this didn't mean anything to you, I needed the space to be mindful of it. Thanks for letting me share.

Faith Development

Beth came home from her mom's prayer group last night thanking me for doing things to instill a love for God in our boys.

There's always the concern of going too far in indoctrinating your children, that they aren't able to make religious decisions for themselves. Sometimes I fret that the boys are just mimicking us in our faith. But then again, I'm not sure that's such a bad thing.

They ape us because they're seeing our faith lived out. They don't sing "Jesus songs" as they like to call them because they only hear them at church--they hear us sing them, they hear them on the CDs we play, they hear them on the radio. That's not to say that we only play Christian music--I've got my ABBA, Simon and Garfunkel, Crash Test Dummies and Indigo Girls--but that they see that praise and worship songs are not just for church.

They know their Bible stories because we read them at home, as well as getting them in Sunday School. They pray because they hear prayers at home and are given opportunities to pray themselves. Each night after getting pajamas on and reading a book (usually from the library), we read a devotion together, the boys name something they're thankful for or anything else they want to pray about and we pray together.

Again, I hope it doesn't come across that we're hyper-religious (if you know us at all, you know we're not). But I'm realizing that one of the biggest elements for faith development in children is that they see Sunday morning lived out during the rest of the week. I should probably have been more aware of this, having a Master's degree in Christian Education and all, but it just dawned on me today while I was washing dishes (which I need to get back and finish, so I'll wrap this up).

Some children aren't given the opportunity to grow up in a Christian family. That's why it's all the more important that all of us in the church are living out our faith in a daily basis. We can't compartmentalize work, home and faith (saving it for Sunday mornings). Faith has to be present and visible in all of our lives.

And I'm not trying to point to parents whose children aren't getting it to say that they're failing in living out their faith. In many cases, that's probably not the case. But I'm fairly certain in our house that's the main reason why the boys can truly say that they love God.