I've Got Nothing, Still I Write

Some days it just feels like I've got nothing to write about (so why am I writing then your sarcastic self may ask?). And it's not that nothing is happening. I could write about the marriage amendment in Minnesota (but anything said there is going to be divisive). I could be pedestrian and discuss the rash of insanely warm weather we've been having right after having had snow recently. I could wax poetic about my children's marvelous abilities or drone on in lament over their periods of frustrating behavior.

I could count down the days until school is out. It seems appropriate. I'm ready for summer. But when I focus on the days left, I find myself missing out on the present. I come across as more of a whiner when I'd rather be someone who finds enjoyment in the moment and tries to make it a good day.

Speaking of good days, I'm trying to focus less on wishing to have a good day, and more on making it a good day. It's an attitude decision, after all. As is most of life. It's also something I'm striving to work on with our oldest son who can get himself in an emotional slump easily.

So while there are possible topics, I don't feel like I've got anything worthwhile to say. But I write nonetheless. In some aspect I write because I need to--or at least I feel compelled. It's cathartic in some ethereal way. It helps me focus my thoughts, as well as explore what's going on in that gray matter within my skull.

I also write because I love to read. They're connected in my mind. I'm not one who spends the whole evening reading or can finish a book in a day or two, but I do it each night before sleeping (almost compulsively, I admit). I've currently got about three books I'm reading at once along with a stack of books in queue. Plus the books arriving from publishers for me to review. I really hope that's not as unhealthy as it sounds.

But I read to learn about the world and humanity  (as well as it being a good diversionary outlet sometimes). Even if I only read fiction, I learn about how to relate to and appreciate the stories of others. I learn to think in ways I wouldn't think on my own. I learn look at the world from different viewpoints--even if I don't agree with them (which are usually the best viewpoints to learn from).

And when I write I learn about myself. It gives me a chance to process my thoughts, to explore what's going on in my head. I usually don't take the time for that inner-reflection unless I write.

So, as much as there at times I like to write and know that people read what I write, the writing is for myself. Just as when you read, you read for yourself. But in the reading, and the writing, we find ourselves connected to the larger whole of humanity. And so our nothing becomes a part of a bigger something.

More on Writing a Book and Stroking an Ego

So, I didn't write a book to make money off it. So far I've paid some in for typesetting and haven't seen a cent of profit yet. I'm hoping to at least break even. Anne Lamott, in her book Bird by Bird, says that you can't write for the money--it seldom becomes a real career. You write for the sake of writing.

Still, I have a fragile ego, I confess. I can easily get overly wrapped up in wanting people to like me--in wanting to be acknowledged for what I do.

I too frequently go to Amazon.com and see what my book's rating is--if it's jumped up or down in the ranks. And I get a slight ego boost when it has a better rank (let's be honest, though--it's mostly been between #500,000 and #1,500,000). I don't even know that the ranks mean anything until you've achieved a ranking less than triple digits. There are a lot of books out there.

But I find myself checking Amazon too often, just to see how the ranking is doing--if it's gone up or down, if it's at a number I can feel good about. It really doesn't do me any good to check it, but I do almost daily. So I probably should not go to Amazon.com that frequently (though there are some old books I'm trying to find). It does nothing to help me out psychologically to know whether or not my book is selling well.

But I'm also largely responsible for marketing. If I want the book to do well in any way, I need to try and help it sell. I'm still figuring out how to do that (especially within the realm of working full-time and having a family).

So I find myself in this odd place of balancing my ego and needing to promote myself in order to succeed. It's kind of like the whole job-searching process where you have to use your resume and be selling yourself in the hopeful interview that follows.

After all, I do want to write a book that matters--that touches someone in a special way (whether I'm writing fiction or non-fiction, blog or magazine article). I just need to keep reminding myself (like I need to in all areas of life) that who I am is not wrapped up in what I do. My self-worth is not based upon my worldly success. Writing books may not be the best profession for someone who struggles with that. Still, I enjoy it, and usually I get as much out of the process as I do reading any book. So I hope to keep at it.

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And since we're here, I might as well provide an opportunity to purchase the book (now available on Kindle as well as in paperback). In addition to Amazon, you can also find it at Barnes and Noble as well as through the publisher, Wipf and Stock.

Book Update

My book is now available on Amazon ($19) in addition to being available through the publishers ($15.20).

And if I may toot my own horn, it's getting good reviews (at least the one from my good friend who has read it--and she's in the process of working on her own book, so she knows her stuff). Thanks to all those who have supported this process and the book. I'm not very vocal about my own work, but I'm the marketing and publicity guy on this one, so I'm working on getting the word out there.

And if you've read it, I'd love to hear your feedback (and be sure to place some reviews out there!).

I Wrote a Book

I'll confess that I have mixed emotions. I'm very excited to have my name published on a book. At the same time, this isn't quite the book I want to write (I know that doesn't make sense--it's one I did write and was compelled to write). What I want to write is a great novel--a story that conveys great truths in adventurous ways. I want to write something accessible to all people. This isn't it. This book is fully targeted at people who want to live a little differently from the rest of the culture and more fully in Jesus. That's not going to be everyone. I accept that.

Still, I'm excited. It was a long process, and I probably would have done it a little differently at times, but I got where I wanted to be. And hopefully, getting one book published will be a stepping stone to other things.

I don't remember when I first wanted to be a writer. It wasn't in college or before then. I remember getting a really bad mark on a paper and not thinking I could write. So it's been since then. Probably in the last decade as I've found I enjoy writing through blogging.

And I've always enjoyed reading. Maybe a little too much. I confess to being a bibliophile. I love books. I think writing flows out of that. I do find great value in books--as an educator I know that reading skills are huge. I may have to rearrange my bookshelves so that a book with an author with the last name "Wenell" isn't alphabetically on the bottom shelf.

Currently the book is available through Wipf & Stock, my publisher. Eventually, it will be released on Amazon and even for Nook. I'm working on building a website for it, too (not that I expect much, but I'd like to connect further with readers).

I do have to note that I had no hand in the cover design. I'd like to take credit for it, but I can't. I didn't really have any say in it. So with that in mind, I'm quite pleased.

Anyway, check it out if you feel so inclined. I'll even sign it if you buy one.  :)

Julia Child, Blogging and Art

Last night my wife borrowed the movie Julie & Julia from our neighbors so we could watch it (which reminds me that I need to take it off my reserve list at the library). The movie is based on a blog that a woman (named Julie) wrote about cooking all of Julia Child's recipes from Mastering the Art of French Cooking within a year's time. Her blog gained a huge following over time and was eventually made into a movie which compares and contrasts Julie & Julia's lives as well as chronicling how Julia Child impacted Julie's life.

It's been just over six years since I began this blog. The first four years were hit or miss--I didn't write much at all. There's not even an entry about Nils being born.

The blog really came into being when we moved to British Columbia. It was an effective way for us to continue sharing our lives (and, perhaps more importantly, pictures of the kids) with all the people we were leaving behind in the Midwest.

I've continued the blog since then since we still have friends from all over the world that we logistically just can't keep in touch with as often as we'd like. I also feel connected to my readers; having a comment on a post just makes my day to know someone took the time to read and respond to what I was thinking. And perhaps at this point I write mainly for myself. I need to take the time to reflect and connect . I need to keep writing--I have a dream to someday have something published. And whether or not that ever happens, it's good for me to do. I guess blogs can end up being a bit narcissistic, but I hope that in helping myself I can also help others, that I can speak to them, than even in cyberspace I can minister to others.

I would love to be able to have this blog springboard me into something bigger, as it did for Julie Powell. Writing is something I can do at home while I'm watching the boys. It's be nice if it could provide a little income as well.

The other thing I've been doing from home is painting and drawing. It's mainly a hobbie for enjoyment, but I've been humbly trying to sell some as a way for people to brighten up their work spaces (Cubicle Art).

I just sold my first pieces this weekend. Sure, they were to my sister. But she wanted them. It wasn't just charity on her part (at least I'm fairly sure it wasn't). I probably would have never thought of selling my art if it weren't at the suggestion of a friend. I've still got a lot to learn about painting, but it's enjoyable and relaxing to me, so I'll continue. Even if I don't think I've got much to offer yet.

I guess with anything we do, we need to do it for ourselves as well as doing it for others. Sometimes in taking care of ourselves, we keep ourselves healthy so that we can serve others. And all we do needs to bring glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). So as I take care of my boys, do housework, write, paint or whatever, I do it for me. I do it for someone else (whether it's my wife or you) and I do it for God. Yet another good reminder that I need to love God & love my neighbor as myself.