Spring Break Day 5

It was a crazy windy day. It was almost impossible to open the car door at times. And at times there were ice pellets in the air which became miniature ballistic missiles in the wind.

We made our way from the Black Hills and had our obligatory stop in Wall Drug. 99 signs on our way out. 63 different ones today. Half the place was closed. The problem with touring this time of year is that most places aren't open. The good thing is we don't care for the most part---we've enjoyed the wilderness--and there aren't crowds of people anywhere. Before leaving Wall we stopped at the National Grasslands visitor center.

Then we headed into the Badlands. Right away we saw a group of bighorn sheep. I was excited as we hadn't seen any yet. We saw most of the large mammals found out here except for elk and mountain lions. Because of the wind (which did make it colder), the boys didn't want to get out of the car much. But eventually they did and we had a few fun hikes.

Another night spent in a motel. I knew we'd end up in them some, but I was hoping the weather would cooperate for more nights of camping. Tonight the tent would have blown away. And waking up cold isn't fun with kids. If I was alone I would have tented a little more, but it's been more comfortable this way. Still, I haven't slept in this many motels over several years' time. We ended the day with a game of cribbage to make up for the lack of math practice (though I did have them work out what percentage of the states we had found license plates of on the road each time we found new ones).

Spring Break Journey Day 4

We never saw the snow or heard the wind that kept us in a motel in Hot Springs last night. I didn't catch any news to hear what the winter storm did in the area. But we awoke to rain, and it's not fun to wake up in a tent in rainy near-freezing temperatures and have to make breakfast and pack up camp, so I'm thankful we holed up in a motel for the night. The boys are already a little weary of camping from some of the weather experiences we've had in the past.

Hot Springs is a quaint old town built on the healing power of the natural mineral springs that dot the area. Many buildings in the downtown are built of local sandstone circa 1888-1930s. There is an active paleontology dig in the city of mostly mammoth remains. The boys, however,  were more interested in checking out the swimming pool built on a hot spring. Naturally we get out of the rain to get wet.

From there we headed back north, driving through Wind Cave National Park. I had planned to visit Jewel Cave. We didn't end up staying near there. And the boys weren't really interested in going in another cave (we had visited the Mark Twain Cave in Missouri a few summers ago which apparently was enough for them), but we stopped and explored the visitors center and Nils got another Jr. Ranger badge. We continued driving back through Custer State Park. We saw the burros this time, though not very close.

And now for a good night's sleep to rest up as we slowly start our way back east tomorrow.

Spring Break Wandering Day 3

We survived a chilly night, but it wasn't that bad when we awoke. Still, the park ranger seemed skeptical that the boys would do well sleeping in a tent tonight with a winter storm coming through and I decided she was right, so we packed up camp this morning. We drove north through Custer toward Mt. Rushmore. Three tunnels along the road perfectly framed the four presidents in each. There were also three pigtail turns on the road.

We arrived at Rushmore and added a few more states to our list of license plates we've seen along the trip. Mountain goats awaited us within the park.

As we left we weren't sure where we'd spend the night do we just drove and made stops to climb rock formations and watch wildlife (I saw a marmot but was too slow for a photo).

We ended up in the town of Hot Springs for the night. After some bison burgers we walked along the historic downtown, sampling mineral water from springs.

Spring Break Adventure Day 2

We left our cheap but cozy (and with a hot homemade breakfast) motel and traveled on to Custer State Park. On the way we saw 68 more signs for Wall Drug for a total of 99 along I-90. We added a couple more states to our list of license plates we've seen as well as another province.

We had a lovely day. The weather nearest 70 degrees and we planned to enjoy the outdoors as much as possible. We drove the Wildlife Loop, taking in pronghorns, mule deer, bison and prairie dogs. We did some hiking through trails a foot deep in snow. We climbed rock formations.

We got a nice campsite along a babbling creek. Its sounds are lulling us to sleep. Unfortunately a winter storm is supposed to move into the area tomorrow night so we may be looking for affordable lodging tomorrow night.

Spring Break Travels Day 1

He is risen. He is risen indeed. Alleluia.

Our day started at church remembering the resurrection of our Lord. We went a little earlier than usual and did the traditional service rather than the contemporary as we normally do. An organ and brass instruments seem fitting for Easter morning.

After lunch we finished packing the car and got on the road to enjoy our spring break week. Destination: the Black Hills. The boys have never been.

Our first (and only) stop of today was at the (in)famous Corn Palace in Mitchell. Being a late afternoon on Easter Sunday everything was closed of course, but we enjoyed seeing the murals made from grains. It was nearly 60 degrees ans the sun was out (it had been in the 30s when we left Minnesota a little after noon) so we stretched our legs a little. And we enjoyed a pb&j sandwich before getting back on the road.

We crossed the Missouri River and found an affordable hotel for the night. We hopefully have a short drive to the Black Hills tomorrow where we plan to camp the next couple of nights.

Good-bye Harper Lee

Ever since I read To Kill A Mockingbird sometime in junior high (I think), it became one of my favorite books. I had always wished that Harper Lee had written more. Though I admit I haven't read her recently released book, Go Tell a Watchman. I will some day, but part of me doesn't want to for fear of becoming disillusioned with her if I don't like it. I want the story to be as god as the first one, but I've heard mixed reviews.

Nonetheless, Harper Lee holds a place in my heart--at least her first book does. Harper Lee was famously a recluse for most of her life. When doing research in college I wrote about my other favorite southern writer--Flannery O'Conner--because there wasn't as much out there on Harper Lee. Still, To Kill A Mockingbird will remain one of my favorite stories for many lessons.

Growing up in an all-white town (most of the time--there were occasional families who would move through town that brought some color and non-northern-European culture to our community), To Kill a Mockingbird taught me the value of humanizing the marginalized.

Justice, compassion, and mercy were big themes in To Kill a Mockingbird. Through the careful guidance of Atticus Finch, his children Jem and Scout learned to empathize with those who were seen as outsiders in their community--whether an elderly lady, a shy recluse, or a person of color. While others spread rumors and fear, Jem and Scout learn that those people are people.

Intimately tied in to justice, compassion, and mercy is the lesson to do the right thing, even when it is unpopular. Atticus Finch wins our respect in the story as he takes on the legal case for a wrongfully accused black man who doesn't stand a chance of a fair trial. Putting his life in danger at times, Atticus goes against the popular consensus to do what is right.

And now, at my stage in life, I can appreciate how Atticus, as a single parent, raises his two children. He manages career and family. He treats them with respect, allowing them to be children, but encouraging them to be responsible and respectful. He expects the best from them and for them. He doesn't avoid difficult issues with them. He goes the extra mile.

To Kill a Mockingbird is one of those rare books that I keep coming back to, reading it again and again. Harper Lee teaches without teaching, preaches with out preaching, and opens ones eyes to life as it should be. For that I am eternally grateful for her quiet, but poignant life.

Stubborn Love

Several years ago at my ex-niece's (I find there are no proper names for family members who were a part of my life for almost two decades, but are not any more) wedding I was introduced to the music group The Lumineers when they played their song Ho Hey ("I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart") in a sideshow about the groom's mom who had passed away when he was young. I've since found the raw vocals and haunting lyrics of The Lumineers poignant at many times in my life. Though I'm older than their target audience sometimes the songs feel like a soundtrack to dating as a middle-aged man.

I've made many mistakes in relationships in the past. I fully own that. Some were because of my own issues which got in the way of a health relationship, some were from poor decisions, and some were just because of blindness. But I've hurt others, and gotten hurt in the process. My sister pointed out to me recently that I'm a lover--that loving others is part of my DNA, and I desire the romantic relationship. I'm not always good with my feelings, but I'm usually pretty good at knowing love. Of course, love is less of a feeling, and more of a decision. Still, my heart is involved. And though I try and be discerning in love and who I give my heart to, I still end up with heartbreak from time to time.

Many times as a 40-year old bachelor I have wanted to give up on love. I don't want to go through more pain and hurt again. I want to avoid the tears. But eventually I come around and remember how good it feels to love another person and let them into my life.

The Lumineers' song Stubborn Love reminds me that it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all:

She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair
But I still love her, I don't really care

When we were young, oh, oh, we did enough
When it got cold, ooh, ooh, we bundled up
I can't be told, ah, ah, it can't be done

It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all   

The opposite of love's indifference

It's easy to become indifferent. To become apathetic. To become walled-up to avoid hurt and pain. 1 John 4:8 tells us, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear." Fear. Indifference. Apathy. Whatever you want to call the opposite of love (I don't think it's hate--hate may be a byproduct of fear, but fear is a much fuller dark side to love).

Tennsyon penned, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I agree. But it's also better to have loved and kept that love. But let not the pain of love lost or the fears of loves to come keep one from loving at all. Yes, there will be heartache anytime one loves another. But what is gained in loving another makes life so much richer.

Eating the Nativity

On our denominations ministerial Facebook page that I still belong to, someone was talking recently about the manger. Jesus was placed in a feeding trough--a place animals ate from. In French, the word manger means "to eat."

Here was the Son of God lying in essentially a large dinner bowl. In the middle of a barn. Surrounded by animals and their smells and their waste. Not a royal entry. But very earthly. Which is the point of Christmas--God came and dwelt amongst us.

But the eating aspect of the manger made me wonder if it was meant as foreshadowing of the crucifixion. More exactly of the Last Supper. Jesus offers up the bread and the wine to His followers telling them to eat and drink. Telling them to continue doing that after He us gone in remembrance of Him. Telling them to be thankful. And telling them that it is His flesh and blood they must consume.

It's a bit gruesome and cannibalistic to the outsider. Theologians have many interpretations regarding communion. But I think it largely comes down to letting Jesus be our sustenance. Feeding on Him--His words, His love, His example.

Christmas is often a time of coming together to feast. With my grandpa and grandma it was Swedish foods like potato bologna, lutefisk, rye bread, oostakaka, and other things we only saw at Christmas.

Eating is spiritual. It is communal. It is human. It is nourishing. It is life.

The same things can be said of faith and Jesus. Jesus: the God who came to earth to walk alongside us, showing us His love for us and how to love others. The one whose birth we celebrate the Christmas. The one born in a manger.

So feast. Love has come to feed us all.

On Thanksgiving Eve

I had the privilege of being asked to share at our Thanksgiving Eve service at church tonight. Gratitude--if you've read my blog much in the past this is no surprise--is something I have been learning more and more about over the past several years. Here's some of what I shared at church tonight:

Last year was my first Thanksgiving Eve service at Salem Covenant Church since started attending last fall. It was also my first holiday without my children as I had gone through a divorce just a few weeks earlier. It was not an easy time, but yet I found myself being able to sit by myself and find gratitude. And gratitude in the tough times has made all the difference. 

My journey with gratitude--like for most of us--began when I was young saying prayers around the table and at bedtime. That's where it has started for my children too--we end each day praying over the things we've said we're thankful for. I started discovering its fullness when I was in high school and college working at the Covenant Bible Camp in Iowa. The camp director had a saying that he often shared with the staff: "Gratitude evaporates frustration." I've found it to be true. But I've also been discovering that gratitude does do much more. 

A few years ago when I was going through a challenging time while working through tough issues in my life, a friend gave me the book "One Thousand Gifts." In it author Ann Voskamp explores lamenting loss, turning pain into poetry, and embracing a lifestyle of radical gratitude. Since then I started keeping a journal of gratitude, and I've found that even in some of the lowest points in life that gratitude can be found. And that finding gratitude changes everything for me.

The night before He was crucified Jesus took the bread and the cup and gave thanks. In Greek communion is called the Eucharist which means thanksgiving. It is related to the word charis which means grace and the word chara which is joy. Something that commemorates Jesus' death is filled with thanksgiving, grace, and joy. That still is an amazing thought for me--I don't fully grasp it yet I know it is true. 

Gratitude does not negate the sorrow or grief of a moment, but it can transform my attitude from one of inward moroseness to one of looking up toward hope. When I'm jealous, gratitude reminds me of all I have. When I'm turned in on myself, gratitude gets me out. When things go from bad to worse, gratitude reminds me that this too shall pass. A few weeks ago Pastor Jonna spoke on finding light in the darkness in the midst of tragedy. Gratitude helps me find light. It's not always easy, but it's good.

So in the midst of loneliness and desertion, I am thankful for new friendships and God's faithful presence. Amidst tears and bouts of depression, I have thankfulness for words of comfort and assurance, for places to walk and be surrounded by nature, and for those lucid moments where I choose exercise over my couch. In the midst of sorrow, I am thankful for the love of my two sons. In the midst of financial worries, I am thankful for all God has provided. In the midst of health issues I am thankful for medical care being available. Amidst heartache I am thankful for the joy my boys bring me. Amidst jealousy and regret of not being able to provide everything I want to provide, I am grateful for all God does give me. In the midst of fears and anxiety of the future, I am thankful that God is in control. And I'm also thankful for the little things, like Unexpected Cheddar from Trader Joe's, cheaper gas prices, and getting to see my nieces and nephews in Iowa tomorrow.

Single Parenting Gratitude

While the boys' mom has been overseas, I've been watching them for the past 2 1/2 weeks. During that time we've decorated our car for trunk-or-treating at church, gone trick-or-treating, started hockey practice, gone to youth groups at church, taken family photos for the church directory, celebrated Nils' birthday, gone to my Bible study, had a sleep over for Nils' birthday, gone hiking and played outside, been to urgent care three times (twice for me--I apparently have cellulitis in my leg and have another doctor appointment coming up), played with cousins and plenty of other household things. I'm thankful for good kids who make it possible to get through it all on my own.

Today at church, a woman came up to me afterward. I knew who she was, but we've never really talked much. She had read something I wrote in the church newsletter and had observed the boys with me on Sundays. She offered any sort of support she could give whenever I was in need. She also commeted on how well-behaved the boys were at church. It was good to hear.

The past year has had plenty of trials and challenges. We were reminded in church today that Jesus didn't promise us there wouldn't be trials and tribulations. Just the opposite. But He promised He would be there for us. That sounds trite, I know. But I've been learning to find Jesus in the midst of the hard times. He's there. 

I often find Him when I pause to be grateful. Like how in the midst of a long two and a half weeks with little time by myself, I can be thankful for two sons who, despite argumentative moments, are helpful and supportive. I am thankful for the woman from church who most likely stepped out of her comfort zone to give me some encouraging words--it was a gift. I am grateful to have the time with my kids and a schedule that works to be with them.