Sheltered at Home Church

Because our kids are all with their other parents this coming weekend (an odd sentence that only blended families have reason to use), we had our "Easter" yesterday. The kids had baskets full of candy to find. We had ham and company potatoes for dinner after church.

Church. Or what is now church.

Everything is new in this quarantined, virus-plagued world. We've been doing church online for several Sundays now. We've got two different churches between us (and multiple service choices between those two). We've been donig a pre-recorded video (I know some do a facebook live type event), and trying to gather the family together at a certain time. We still try to sing the hymns, say the prayers, and take some sermon notes. This past Sunday my church had recommended people have bread and juice/wine on hand to do communion. That helped make it feel a little more church like.

Jesus said that where two or three are gathered in His name, there His amongst them. But what if two or three can't gather together? In our case, we're lucky because of the size of our household. But a family does not make a church. A community makes a church. Yet in our online world, two or three can gather though oceans apart.

I'd like to say I'm deepening my spiritual disciplines during this time. Partly, it's hard to find quiet space while being sheltered at home with five other people. Partly, I haven't done any major attempts at it (which is the real reason nothing has happened). With all the changes, it's sometimes hard enough just to live life without getting swept away in the confustion of it all. Which probably gives all the more reason to give more focus to my relationship with God right now.

So let's do it. I guess in the midst of Covid 19, there are questions. Where is God in all this? Why is He letting this happen? Is there a bigger purpose--some "good" thing that is to come out of this? How do I love my neighbor during this? How do I love myself? What about my fears of not having an income for a while? How do I raise my children up right during this? What will our new normal be?

I don't have the answers. I know God is present and that He cares. I know because He's proven that when I've gone through tough stuff in life before. IJ know He wants to hear these things from me. That I need to tell Him. I also know He has things He wants me to hear from Him--things like I am loved, that I am not in control, and that He can be trusted.

And thankfully I am not in this alone. We're in this together, and many people are providing great resources (worship videos, uplifting messages, ideas for families, etc.).

The mantra that has followed me from different places in life (working at Bible camp in Iowa, worshipping at church in Minnesota, serving in Ecuador, and other places in between) has been:

God is good. All the time.
And all the time, God is good.

Even in the midst of chaos, there is goodness to be found. Like under those decaying leaves from last fall where the flowers are starting to poke up through the ground. Or from the children down the street who write encouraging messages with sidewalk chalk on their driveway. Or in taking communion together as a family at home.

Sheltered at Home

I haven't written much in the past several years.

I mostly isolated myself following my divorce.

And being remarried and blending has enough issues let alone all the time spent having four teenagers in the house.

But now we're being "quarantined" under the Shelter at Home directives by our governor during the Covid 19 (Coronavirus) pandemic.

The world has changed. We haven't seen anything like this since the influenza pandemic of 1918. And the world is much different now than it was then. People aren't as self-sufficient. Travel--at least commuting--is a part of life. Technology has changed.

This week our kids started distance learning. It had been three weeks since they'd been to school. It's been two and a half weeks since I've worked. My wife has been working from home for the past two weeks. While we're not all in this house all the time, needless to say it can be stressful when all six of us are here for a few days. Not to mention that it's not easy to work online with most of us needing to be at the same time.

The kids miss seeing their friends. I think that's been the hardest for all of us. But we've all be learning to use things like Zoom and Google Hangouts to connect with others. We're finding ways to worship at home with our church communities online.

Several puzzles have been done. Basketballs have been shot in the driveway. We've had some walks and bike rides.

But the world is different. There are uncertainties. We don't know how long any of this will go on for. Groceries and switching with the other parents' houses are about all we get out for. And the grocery stores are hit or miss on what can be found. Toilet paper aisles have been empty for weeks. Bread and pasta are there one day and gone another. Skim milk (which my stepdaughter only drinks) seems to be out of production.

Changes bring stress and anxiety. They also bring growth and new things. The warm weather outside reminds us of this, as the geese have returned to the lake and the tulips are thrusting up out of the ground. Change isn't easy, but it can be beautiful.

On Our Way

Anders and I were up by 2:45 this morning to get to the airport. We’re on our way to Ecuador with our youth group from church. We’re heading to the same church and school our youth group went to three years ago. I’m excited to view the trip through his eyes as much as I can. 

Prayerful Lessons from Hiking

Since my children have different Spring breaks this year, we weren't able to do a trip. And as I was sick when I had intended to do a solitude camping retreat last fall, I headed up to our Bible Camp for a couple days of solitude.

Today I headed to explore the trails at Savannah Portage State Park. I intended to have the time for prayer for my upcoming marriage, family, and life. After four hours of hiking, I don't feel like I did that much significant prayer time. I feel like most of the time I was distracted or mindlessly looking at my surroundings. I don't often feel like I'm a good pray-er.

The hike was also not what I expected. There was little wildlife around. Granted, it's the beginning of April in the North Woods of Minnesota. It was near 60 degrees today, but there was still ice on the lakes. But all I encountered were a couple of robins, a couple of crows, a couple of geese, and, surprisingly, a few butterflies. No moose (sad face). Not even a single squirrel.  

(Okay, as I was leaving I did see a chipmunk and a pair of swans as well.)

Also, my map did not correspond well to the trails. I picked up the park map at the park office to know the trails. The maps along the actual trails were for the winter cross-country ski and snowmobile trails only. They did not show any hiking trails. My map did not show any winter usage trails. More than once I wasn't sure what trail I was actually on. It wasn't easy to compare the paper map to the ones on the trail, since the trails didn't often overlap.

Which is how I ended up on the trail to the bog. Which was not on my intended route. But I found myself headed that way nonetheless, so I decided to explore.

Bogs are mainly formed in colder climates where geographical conditions prevent water drainage. The cold and lack of water outflow prevent plant decay so few nutrients exist in the ecosystem. A ten foot tall black spruce tree with a trunk that I can almost encircle with my hand may be close to 100 years old because its growth ends up being so slow. This is where carnivorous plants like pitcher plants and Venus fly traps grow because they need insects to provide the nutrients they're not getting from the soil.

I eventually found the trail to the Continental Divide Overlook. It's the shortest distance between waters that flow to the Gulf of Mexico via the Mississippi River and the Atlantic Ocean via the Great Lakes and St. Lawrence Seaway. The park is named after the portage fur trappers had to make with their goods between those two riverways. It's a 5.5 mile hike from the West Savannah River which flows directly into the Mississippi and the East Savannah River which eventually flows into rivers that go to Lake Superior.

At some point in the recent past strong winds felled most of the trees along the ridge. The trail was all mud (most of the trails had been wet and quite soft, but they often had plant growth covering them--at least dead pine needles). Little plant life grew. It was all brown with dead trees and no grass or moss. The overlook wasn't accessible. Bulldozer and logging truck tracks created large pools of water. I finally made I to the next trail intersection. Only to find that trail was in the same condition. I was frustrated.

Then God reminded me that this hike is a lot like marriage/a relationship. It's a journey. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes it's not. But I'm on the path with the one I love, just as God was on the trail with me.

The trail isn't always going to be great. When it's messy and muddy and not where I want to be do I give up, or do I forge ahead? (The trail did get better again.) There will be storms that come through, so will I clear the damage to foster new growth? Sometimes I will choose the wrong path. Sometimes God leads elsewhere. Do I submit to the map or be stubborn and continue on my own way? Do I trust God with the trail ahead?

And that bog--am I going to encourage bog-like conditions in my marriage--cold and devoid of nutrients--or do I nurture growth and a warm environment?

I was also reminded of the Lenten journey Jesus took to the cross. He took the path forward, even when it wasn't easy, even when He didn't necessarily want to. But He was focused on His purpose. He was focused on love. He put His selfish desires aside and focused on a selfless ambition.

So my hike wasn't what I hoped for. I didn't stumble across a moose. I didn't explore the trail I initially planned on. I didn't spend four devoted hours in strong prayer. But I have to trust that my hike was what God intended. He let me experience His creation. He heard the prayers I offered, but He also got me to listen to Him. He taught me what I needed to be taught.

Milestones of Gratitude

Several years ago (regrettably, I did not date things at the time) a friend from church gave me the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It challenged me to count my blessings, so to speak. Gratitude, as I have blogged about several times before, has been a central focus in my life. Keeping a gratitude journal was a logical step. Ann Voskamp shares in her book about how being thankful is essential for carrying you through tough times and keeping focused on God.

I have not been diligent in writing in my journal every day. Often I get to a place in a weekend where I have a moment to breathe and catch up for several days of things to be thankful for. Tonight was one of those times. And tonight I breached the 1000 mark (1003, to be exact).

I know there has been much I have overlooked. I could easily be at 5,000 or even 10,000. I could also neglect giving thanks and spend much more time being bitter, resentful, or sad. I will continue to focus on thanksgiving as much as I can. It is good for the soul. And good for the heart.

Post Election Blues

I'm a pretty staunch independent voter. I woke up with a lot of disappointment today. And not just centered around election outcomes.

There was a lot of hate today. A lot.

This election was marked by hate. And fear. They tend to go hand in hand. One leads to the other.

Hate/fear of women. Hate/fear of Muslims. Hate/fear of Mexican immigrants.

But today he sides switched. Many of those who were voting against the hate became hate themselves.

That was the sad part of all this. Few people did not succumb to the hate.

"Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering."
                       -Yoda

Today at school I saw it's effects in my students. All they have taken in from the rhetoric of this election is fear and hate. My class is about 75% students of color. Our school is over 50%. There were comments about fear about how they're afraid their family or even themselves won't be able live in this country any more. They're afraid that their parents won't be able to stay married. They're afraid of threats against themselves. They're afraid that as girls they won't have a future.

Fear and hate aren't getting any of us anywhere.

The only way we as a nation can move forward is in love and kindness. To see the good in the other. To disagree without castigating. To listen. To hope.

Table Manners

I just spent a week with around sixty 4th - 6th graders at a YMCA camp in Minnesota's North Woods--just outside of the Boundary Waters Canoe Wilderness Area. It was a great week away from technology, surrounded by the beauty of lakes and woods. The students were great, but I noticed a few things that we (as a society, as parents) can work on.

1. Self-regulation. Students need to develop an awareness of how their actions effect others. Talking while one person is speaking (I notice this among adults, too), using indoor voices, words that aren't helpful.

2. Self-reliance. I don't mean this in the typical sense, but in the sense of not needing to constantly be entertained. The students did pretty well without technology for a week, but even while hiking in the splendor of the North Woods I heard a few students say, "I'm bored." This isn't a surprise to anyone who has been around children. They have a need to be entertained and lack the ability to do it on their own.

3. Table procedures. Every meal we ate was served family style. You know the one: large bowls of food on the table that get passed around as each person serves themselves with the amounts they actually think they can eat. The camp talked with the students about taking appropriate amounts of food to work toward having little food waste at the end of a meal. Students had to work on this. But I noticed as much of a struggle with knowing how to pass food around a table.

I suppose this isn't much of a surprise in a society where we're too busy with activities that we seldom have the time to eat a meal together. Even when there is time to eat together, families are smaller and we seldom eat family style where there is a need to pass dishes of food. Maybe the rare holiday with families.

I believe that this is the best place to start work. It takes intentionality, of course. And time. And work. But these things are typical for any work in a family. But in spending time together as a family, teaching children how to pass food around a table so that each member of the family receives everything, opportunities exist to talk and teach about how to handle time without entertainment and how to think about others.

Taking it Slow

"Go slow."
"Take your time."

This is some of the most admonished advice given to the dating divorce. And I understand it--or the intent behind it. Kids are in the picture. There's already been pain. No one wants more hurt.

But it's also a load of crap.

Time is not a guarantee. I just read a story by a pastor who was paged to a hospital ER during her CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) while she was in seminary. A 30-year old mother lay dead on the table while here two preschool aged sons were in the next. Last year I read another story by a Midwestern writer and volunteer EMT in his small town community about being called to the scene of a fatal accident and finding it was his sister-in-law who had only recently married his brother. I'm already 41. I hope to have a long life, but there is no guarantee. And time passes more quickly than I'd like.

And none of us (speaking in generic terms on behalf of other divorced people) honestly know what going slow means anyway--other than the well-meaning warning not to get too physical. Nor do we know what guarding our hearts means either--at least not in practical terms.

I was teach the senior high Sunday school class at church today. We talked about discipleship in the ancient Hebrew setting. If a young Jewish male wasn't chosen to become a disciple of a rabbi, he went home to learn the family trade and start a family of his own by age 14 and 15. Scholars believe that Mary was likely around that age when she and Joseph raised Jesus. Did anyone tell them to take it slow?

I think the proper aphorism is to make the most of your time and use your head as well as your heart. I know there are plenty of mistakes we make when dating after divorce. I've made several. But in relationships sometimes you have to give things a try. It's a learning process of trusting your heart and your mind--and learning when to question them.

What I'm discovering is that when things are right and meant to be--when a lot of prayer goes into the relationship and God's hand is clearly at work--that you know when and how to proceed.

There is plenty of advice out there on when to take the next steps in dating--especially with children involved. And it varies quite a bit. It's all well-intentioned. It's also frustrating and confusing as you try and figure out what's best. Sometimes you can only trust God, trust the other person, and trust yourself. Which is what a good relationship needs anyway.

Summer Reflections

Summer is one of those sacred times for me. I think it's because I grew up on a farm and my mother was a teacher. Summers were about family time. Working hard, playing hard. I love the outdoors as well, and summer is prime time to be outdoors. Hiking, biking, swimming, camping, sitting under a tree or on the grass by a lake.

This summer didn't go as planned. At the beginning of the summer I thought I'd be working at our church's Bible Camp. Within a couple days of when I was planning on leaving to head up, I learned that those plans had fallen through. I was disappointed. I love camp. It's a special place. My boys were looking forward to being up there for half of the summer as well.

But being around meant I got a chance to develop a friendship with a woman I had gone out a few times, but where the relationship had been delegated to just being friends. After not too long we clearly saw God's hand at work bringing us together, and that our friendship had become more. It's been a relationship I didn't expect but have longed for.

I also had the blessing of going with our youth group from church on a missions trip to Ecuador. It was an amazing experience. One where I saw God at work, where I learned much. I learned about hospitality and seeing the other.

The kids and I had a couple really good camping trips. We enjoyed the outdoors. Hiking, picking wild raspberries and gooseberries, swimming. They were moments where summer was at its prime, where the boys were boys. Exploring, playing, enjoying.

I had a few trips to the North Shore. It's my happy place. My spiritual place. It renews me.

I had somet time with my extended family. Watching fireworks, cheering on family runners in a 5K (including my son and nephew for their first race), sitting at a parade, playing lawn games, laughing.

I didn't get to many outdoor concerts. Only one movie in the park. Only a few bike rides.

Meanwhile school starts this week. I've already been there for staff training for two weeks. Fall will come soon. Seasons change. More opportunities to be had. Many will be missed. But I'm learning more and more to be present in the moment wherever I am, whoever I am with.

I will take the space to reflect on the blessings of each day, to make note of what I'm grateful for. I will see those around me, noting their presence. I will live, and worship, and love.

Missions Trip Overview

I recently returned from Ecuador where I was on a missions trip with our church youth group. It was been a blessing beyond words. We had to be at the MSP Airport at 3:30am on Tuesday, July 19. It was a long day. We had a long layover in Miami so we hopped on the bus to go to the beach for an hour. We arrived in Guayaquil quite late, and stayed at a hotel near the airport. The staff from Merge Ministries (a part of the Evangelical Covenant Church that helps facilitate missions trips) met us at the airport. The next morning they briefed us on our schedule and things to remember. Then we headed to the church and school where we would be spending most of our time.

When we arrived we were welcomed with an hour long assembly by the schol we were serving at during the day. They performed dances, sang songs, led us in worship, and treated us like celebrities. Students would come up to us with paper and pens and ask for our autographs. Some would even have us write our names on their arms.

During the day part of our group leads worship services and part goes into classrooms to help students practice and learn English. Some students knew English fairly well and wanted to talk and ask questions. Some didn't know it at all and didn't want to try. Most had some interest in interacting with us regardless of their proficiency in the language. Most of our group, however, only knew the rudimentary basics of Spanish (some knew none), so at times communication could be an issue. Still, we usually found that we could communicate far beyond what words allowed.

We stayed in groups with local families. Three of the high school guys and I stayed in an apartment building where our hosts lived. We had our own flat. We missed out on living with our family, but it was also nice to have our own space and be able to go to bed when needed. Hot water is a rarity in most homes. Toilet paper cannot be flushed into the sewers. The water isn't safe to drink for North American stomachs. The windows don't have screens and parts of the apartment are open to the outside or hallway. Doors are metal and have several heavy bolts. Cats roam the sidewalks outside at night and pigeons do during the day. We had a lizard show up in our bathroom the first morning. And we thoroughly loved our "Ecuadorian Bachelor Pad." 

The first two evenings we went into neighborhood churches and ran outreach programs for children. We sang some songs, acted out the Good Samaritan, memorized a verse in Spanish, made some crafts and played some games. We had initially been told that we would be doing three nights of this as a whole group. We ended up having to split up our group into two and doing two churches each night. It wasn't what we had planned for, but flexibility is a needed quality in Ecuador, and things still went well. The youth did great in reaching out to the kids who came.

On Friday the students at the school had assemblies to celebrate three upcoming holidays over the course of July 24-25: a celebration of Armada (defeating Peru), the birthday of liberator Simon Bolivar, and the founding of Guayaquil. The youngest students dressed up in traditional outfits (the girls often in dresses that reflected the pattern on the city flag) and performed skits or sang songs. The junior and senior high students had a pageant to vote for Miss Guayaquil, enacted skits about the founding of the city and traditions, and had another pageant of outfits made from recycled material. That evening we played games with the youth group from the church.

On Saturday the local youth group joined us as we boarded busses to drive two hours to Salinas to play at the beach that day. The students from both countries got along together remarkably. At this time of year the water in the Pacific was much colder than what we experienced in the Atlantic.

On Sunday we attended the two morning services at the church. The Holy Spirit was very present. Our group led a few worship songs and Pastor Mark preached the sermon. Right after church we left with our host family. They had a family obligation that day that we were invited to. It ended up being our host father's parent's 55th Wedding Anniversary. We drove out to the wealthy suburbs where his brother (a doctor) had a home. The parents and along with the brother and his wife renewed their wedding vows. We were welcomed as part of the family and enjoyed time with them.

There was no school or work on Monday because of the holiday, so we had the day to tour the town with our family. We went to the Park de las Iguanas were scores of lizards roamed freely. Then we went to Malecon 2000, a park that stretched along the riverfront. We visited two soccer museums, hiked to the top of Santa Anna where we climbed the lighthouse and saw 400 year old houses and cannons that were used to defend the city from pirates, and visited a firefighting museum. The brother-in-law of our host dad picked us up and took us to their home where we played soccer with some neighborhood kids, swam in the pool, and enjoyed a meal and their hospitality.

Tuesday was our last day at the school. We did some English classes and the youth did three assemblies teaching the students about Minnesota life and culture, focused around the four seasons. Before the final assembly, the school and church gave us a farewell. It was very touching. That night they decorated tables and chairs in linens with gold trim for our supper. After a reflective debriefing, we headed to the hotel we stayed at for the first night and had a short night's sleep as we had to be ready to leave for the airport by 3:30am the next day. After hours in the airport and on airplanes and delays of our final flight, I was finally home by 1am Wednesday night/Thursday morning.

The trip was a huge blessing. I was blessed by getting to know people from church better. Blessed by the guys in my group. Blessed by the hospitality of our hosts. Blessed by the welcome and sending off from the school. Blessed by the worship there. Blessed by the ministry we got to be a part of. Blessed by the people.