5/20/2012

On My Sister's Upcoming Wedding: Change and Relationships

My youngest (younger than her twin by 11 minutes, I believe) sister is getting married in a couple of weeks. I've been working on the message for the wedding. It's not easy. It's always a little difficult to find the right words to say to a couple during a wedding...marriage is such a big event. Plus, I'm more aware lately of my own failures of almost 15 years of marriage, that I know I'm the one who needs advice as much as anyone.

One of the common pieces or relationship advice is, "Don't change who you are for anyone." This has elements of good advice in it as you shouldn't try to become who someone else wants you to be. But if we never change in a relationship, then we've failed ourselves.

Life is a balance of finding who you truly are and becoming that--the unchangingness of yourself with the need for change. We need change in order to grow--to work through our faults, to get rid of the things that hold us back, to accept our weaknesses and let God work through them.

There are days when I hate doing this. I am comfortable with my faults; I don't like all the work of getting better. But I also don't like who I am when I don't put the work into myself. In my marriage I can be all too selfish. I desire to be more focused on my wife than I am. And I know I won't get there without change.

So, that's one of the things I hope to impart to my sister (and soon-to-be brother-in-law Caleb): discover who you are, but work to become the best you you can be. Marriage is a great place for this to happen when you have a spouse who also desires for you to become your best (without nagging you or forcing you to change). Encouragement is the key. Like a lot of life lessons, these are things I know, but have to work at hard to actually life out. I hope it comes easier for you, Sis.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Great advice, Dave! They are lucky to have such great examples of marriages in their family. We all fall short, but as you said, it's about the desire to do better, to be better. Oh, and don't forget a healthy dose of grace. Congrats to Amy and Caleb!