This morning I actually had to pick Anders up and put him on the bus. He was crying and saying he didn't want to go. He did it once before, but once the bus came he got on with no problem. That wasn't the case today. I had to pick him up and carry him over to the steps of the bus because he wouldn't go. The bus driver said there must be something in the air. I guess it's the first Monday of the school season for them. He was looking out the window with big, teary eyes and a pouty face as the bus drove away. I didn't want to have to do it that way. I wanted to be able to talk him through his fears (he said school was too hard--that's why he didn't want to go). But there wasn't time for that--we couldn't hold the bus up for the rest of the route. It wasn't easy to put him on the bus like that; it was harder to watch his face as the bus pulled away. I guess when the bus comes home we'll do some talking and I'll apologize for having to send him off that way--and hopefully he'll apologize, too.
It made me wonder how many times I have gone through life kicking and screaming--even in recent years. Maybe even today. I know I've fought what's best for me way too many times in my life. For some reason I have this tendency to resist what's good for me. It's true that sometimes what's best for us isn't easy, but it's also true that hardships DO make us better (now, when someone is going through tough times don't say things like "this will work out for the best" or "it'll build character", just offer compassion, not platitudes). We do need to go through tough times to help us grow and to remind us that God is there. Sometimes I need others to drag me kicking and screaming because I'm not able to do it myself; sometimes situations just propel me onward. Most of the time I need to suck it up and step forward myself. I can't do that, though, if I get too focused on what I'm afraid of or what's going to be hard. I have to keep reminding myself what's good for me--and often that's doing something that doesn't come easily for me.