The Dilemma

I am a sinner. Pretty much on a daily basis. It is usually the same traps that I fall into. I know I shouldn't do them, but I do. And I usually know what I should do instead, but I don't.

St. Paul summed up this predicament by saying, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it (Romans 7:15-20)."

The old church ancestors called this situation simil justus et pecator: basically, at the same time a sinner and a saint. That says it all. I am a new creation (Galatians 2:20), but yet I easily slip into my old habits. Actually they're not even really old. They came about after I was a follower of Jesus. I don't know why I trade in the good stuff for the bad. I know the consequences. I ejoy freedom offered through grace much more than being a slave to sin.

At times I wish Adam had never brought sin into this world. But I know that if he or Eve hadn't, I would have. I know at some point I would turn from God and try to follow my own ambitions.

And so I confess. And I pray.